Dawn (Ghazal)

DAWN.png

Poetry challenge #44: Ghazal by Jane Dougherty

3rd draft and final attempt  – slightly diff but technically accurate.

Maidens tell tales when love remembers,
flamed arrows shoot a heart’s dying embers.

A stinging love’s smouldering ashes cry,
on dove cheeks, cute, unlike hearts’ dying embers.

Awaken Dawn with a dearth of kindling,
two souls, torn fruits of hearts’ dying embers.

Day perfumes rosewater of sullen dreams,
day wakes to salute  hearts’ dying embers.

Clasp as partners to the edge of all love,
hands sieve moot ghosts from hearts’ dying embers.

2nd Revised version – I had missed out the internal rhyme, but this spoiled the first

Maidens tell tales when love remembers,
flamed arrows shoot a heart’s dying embers.

A stinging love’s smouldering ashes cry,
on dove cheeks, mute, like hearts’ dying embers.

Awaken Dawn with a dearth of kindling,
two souls, red fruits, hearts’ dying embers.

Day perfumes rosewater of sullen dreams,
drank to salute hearts’ dying embers.

Clasp as partners to the edge of all love,
hands sieve moot ghosts from hearts’ dying embers.

1st draft – without internal rhyme

Maidens tell tales when love remembers,
flamed arrows shoot a heart’s dying embers.

A stinging love’s smouldering ashes cry,
on dove cheeks, plump, like hearts’ dying embers.

Awaken Dawn with a dearth of kindling,
two souls laden with hearts’ dying embers.

Day perfumes rosewater of sullen dreams,
drank to enliven hearts’ dying embers.

Clasp as partners to the edge of all love,
hands sieve ash ghosts from hearts’ dying embers.